Sunday, 7 April 2013

Leap- chapter three.

The night was mournful; it was cold and breezy as winter was coming. Walking pass the park late this night sounds dangerous but the moonlight made it feel safe. Wondering why I’m out here and not at home with my parents?  If a stranger would go asking me that I would delightfully answer, “no one cares about me, nevertheless to give a damn where I am”.
It might sound rude, but you can’t deny reality.
I was stupid enough to be out here wearing thin layer of clothes, I could feel the wind kissing my skin under this long tube top and jeans. I finally reached the bridge that I admired so since I was a kid. Dad used to take me here, he used to, barely ever now.
Leaning against the bridge made me have flashbacks, it always occur to me that this bridge always reminds me all the memories that I used to keep, under piles of more enchanting memories, but I swore I have set my mind to tear them all up and burn them to ashes of grey. So, I remind myself not to lean against it.
The moon; big and bright was in front of me. It felt like a dream, something you’ll only see in movies but when you calculate everything in order, you might as well find the moon in front of your eyes.
Then I looked down, it was my reflection. My face used to be fair, now it looks ragged. I took up my arm, my lips started trembling.
I couldn’t remember the first time I started doing it. But it felt good. I felt numb, so there was no pain lashing out with the blood. I might say I was desperate to be loved again by Danny but then I found out that the reason why I’m doing it because I was blaming myself.

I still do though.

There was 6th of July, a Friday night as mournful as this night felt alive. I thought we would rejoice as best friends again. He didn’t know I cut myself before then.

“Should we run?” he whispers to my ear. I lay next to him, happy with the thought. Should I? I was tempted to.
“To where now, Alaska?” I giggled. My heart was thumping. We planned it ever since. Never thought it could really happen, not tonight.
“Anywhere as long it’s not here,” he said. He turned his head and looked up into the sky.
“Just not here, I like that” I said, beaming just a little but my heart was smiling worth a million.
“To the stars maybe?” He chuckled.
“To the city of lights?” I answered back. This was crazy, we were fooling around. Not making any sense to it all. But I loved the idea, to run away, together.
I got up. The grass was damp and I was getting restless. “Going now?” he looked up at me.
“Yeah now. It’s late. Look at the time Danny”
He took out his phone, sighed a little there. “It was nice, this” he smiled at me. “Don’t we always do this, it’s like a thing” I said back, taking my cardigan and wearing it.
“I know, not much lately. Things have gotten rough, but I guess not anymore.” He got up. I laughed.
“What now?” he wanted to know desperately while smiling really hard. “Danny, you’re a mess of a friend. Look,” I brushed off the grass and twigs that was in his hair. He helped too, blushing deep red. And then he went behind me, started laughing hysterically. “What is it!” I was scarred with his Joker laugh. “You’re just the same, but more of a loser.”
He slapped my behind, getting the mud of the jeans. “It looks like you just shitted yourself” he said, and I slapped him back. He laughed really hard, you know the best kind of laugh where there’s no sound coming out? I loved it. It felt welcomed.
We ended chasing each other; trying to smear each other face with the mud that I didn’t realised I lay on.
Then we ran to the bridge. The bridge that Dad brought me to back then. We were out of breath but something was breathless.
“Wow,” I gazed at the moon.
Danny came speechless too, gazing at it like a lost fawn.
“You know back we were six and we used to play around here? Have you ever realised that this place is beautiful?”
“No, not really” he said back.
We both started gazing at it long, silence filled the air. “It feels like I could reach it,” I said back.
“Go on Lucy, give a shot.” I knew he was kidding, but I did anyways.
I look back at him cheekily, reached out my arms. “I can’t” I said.
“Try harder,” he said. I pushed my body in a little further trying to get hold of the moon.
Then he grabbed my arm, I stumble back.
“Why are you doing this Lucy?” Danny looked at me. He was holding my arm gently, but I could feel the pressure. I looked down. I guessed he saw the cuts as I foolishly tried to reach out,
I quickly pulled my arm in and pulled down a little bit of the sleeve.
I was speechless. I didn’t know what to explain.
“Stop okay?” Danny held my face gently. His face was covered with mud but his hazel eyes shone brighter than the moon itself.
“Promise?” he asked.
“I promise” I whispered and he kissed me.

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