Thursday, 13 February 2014


Assalamualaikum and heyy guys.

So why REMAJA? Well... hahaha it's something a teacher told us about today before announcing the results for merentas desa. BTW, Saga got last place TT^TT so terharu huhu.

Okay, basically to make the whole REMAJA speech thing short is that; what do you want to be when you grow up? how can you achieve it? will you achieve it?

So I'm turning 16 years old and I feel the pressure. I'm honestly scarred. Like I have another year left of high school and by then I'll be on my own. We won't see each other anymore, we'll get lost in contact and we'll soon build up our own families.

It's like you shouldn't be thinking of all this stuff, you're too young for that. But it's not true. Time pass by quickly and so does the years. I see myself in the future, by means to the level where I see myslelf old and playing with my gran kids. My parents not here with me anymore, some of the people I knew have passed on, and the world has changed. Scary right?

So what do I want to be when I grow up? How many times have I talked about this? Millions.

I don't know. I still haven't found my strengths. I love maths and add maths. I'm not so interested in science based subjects. English is my strongest. Bahasa Malaysia is my weakest.

I'm more of the girly girl type. I love cosmetics, facial products, pretty clothes, looking appropriate, trying out the latest. So I had this one point where I wanted to try out my own business. Alhamdullilah, my Dad supports my idea. For the first time in forever haha frozen, okay hahaha he actually suggested some good points.

I want to have my own shop/boutique. That's my first dream.

Secondly, I love reading and being with people. I love to write and expanding my ideas, and then I was like, should I be a producer?

I don't know. I still haven't find myself in this world yet.

I want to be big in something, live a easy life, belanja my family, have a good life, go everywhere.

Hahaha okay, so this year I've gotten in contact with my old friends and they're super duper awesome. I can't wait to meet you guys during the competition day.

This year I'm sort of different. I'm super lazy. I'm not the same as before. In form one I was the kid that finished all the work so fast that people in my class was like "wtf with this girl" and I'd be studying when the teacher is not here. But as I changed gradually based on from my quiet personality to an open one, I changed within. Like A LOT.

Gradually, year by year, I became lazier and lazier. My grades drop. I'm not thinking hard anymore. I lack of proper rest. I don't do my homework.

Before this, I would finish my homework before 6. Do my class schedule before bed. Have my clothes ready. And have a small reading session every night before turning the lights off.

Now, it's so different. Even my friends realized how I've changed.

If I want to be what I want to be, this whole new me got to go. I want my old me. People mostly want to change to a newer person. But I don't. The new me has a lot of negatives. The old me has tons of positives. But maybe due to the fact I used to be depressed for two years, I'm scarred.

I don't know. I really don't.

Okay, well.

I have to say, I think I should give blogger a rest for now, my stories on hold until I've got myself together.
I have drama, debate, prefect trips, class trips, new subjects to adjust with.

Life is hard.

I want to change. Physically and emotionally.


and bye, till then xo S.A

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