Friday, 28 March 2014

Worn Wings - Chapter One

I couldn’t imagine the number of time I’ve had my face away from the direction of my mother’s eyes whenever she talks and asks about Dad. At times I wonder whether she still loves him or completely hates him to the core. But then it’s no use because Mum is going to move away to somewhere above us and that is to Vancouver with my younger sister, Anna. She had already burnt all the pictures of her and Dad before they separated; changed her number and furthermore… she changed her life. She became different as in that she was free. But as for me, the girl that continuously cries without her mother knowing; felt lost and hurt. It hurts me to be a child of divorced parents at the age of 16. The hormones and emotions of a teenager are not stable at this age. And due to this, I’ve gained weight, starting to have these so call ‘stress pimples’ and constantly feeling tired and exhausted. 
     Like what my friend told me, no one can detect how miserable I am at the moment because I don’t show it. I just want the whole school to know but what’s the point? My depression won’t be bothered by anyone. No one cares if I’m sad and bleeding in the inside. They see me as the girl that always gets good grades and busies herself with the school’s activities.
     “Hey, do you think Dad will be back home when I‘ve sent you back?” Mum said as she made a left turn, two miles away from where I was living.
     “Maybe…” I said. I wipe off my tears and sat straight. “Hey Mum,”
     “Hmm yeah?” she made a right turn this time, a mile away from destination.
     “Prize Giving Day Ceremony is in two weeks, can you make it?”
     “What’s the date?”
     “17 April, it’s on Thursday.”
     “Oh Amelia, I can’t… I’ll be leaving two days earlier”
My eyes starts to swell up and I had this lump in my throat. “But –but you promised me last year”
Mum sighs as she makes another right turn, 0.5 miles and we will arrive.
     “I know, I remembered that. But things happened, and plans change. I’ll do my best to come in time for the ceremony okay Amelia?” Mum pulls over at the sidewalk. “Let’s see first how things go”. By the time Mum says that, I have already gotten into my next session of crying in pain and frustration. 

     “Okay,” I said and then I walk out from the car. I wipe my face again before turning around to Mum. “Next week Mum?”
     “Yeah, next week. I’ll pick you up after school.”
     “Okay,” and by then Mum drives off away to the distant. I open up my satchel and pulled out the house key. Once I enter, Dad wasn’t home yet. So I decide to make myself a cup of steaming Chamomile tea with honey instead of sugar. I’ve searched on the internet and it says to be that Chamomile tea helps you to relax, so I definitely need some to release the stress devils.
As I bring the tea to the living room, I notice a small note on the coffee table. I pick it up and it read ‘Order pizza and have a friend over for company. I’ll be home late tonight- Dad’ and behind the note is a 50 dollar bill stapler on.
     Six nights in a row and I knew what was going on. He wasn’t coming home late because of work. He was coming home late because he had moved on. I don’t care by the fact that he had moved on or whatever, because I’m just tired with all the bullshit that was going on. Instead I order Chinese take-away, lock every nook and cranny of the house and switched on the television. The hours passed by and it was midnight. My eyes became sleepy and they start to squint. I decided to switch off the television and left a note for Dad once he comes back home.
‘Ordered Chinese instead and had the tv to assist me tonight’
     The next day when I wake up, I notice Dad wasn’t home yet. I smell the Chinese stir fried noodles that were sitting on the coffee table. It had a bad odour to it and I just chuck it in the waste bin. It was seven in the morning and I decide to take a morning stroll down the neighbourhood and up to the park.
     I took my favourite grey All-Stars hoody and wear it on. My messy dark brunette hair tucks in neatly and I lock the door behind me. I left another stick-it note on the door, ‘Gone for a walk-Amelia’.
     I walk past six houses, turn left and then walk straight to the park. I’m not much of an outside person, I prefer to stay in and watch television. But somehow, I just feel like it today since Dad is not around. I hook the earphones into my ear that’s connected to my iPod. Scrolling down the playlist I found my current favourite song, Team by Lorde. Finally I’ve arrive at the park and as I assume; no one was there. Nobody play at the park anymore. Everyone is all grown up. Kids turn to teenagers, teenagers grew up to be young adults and then they became parents and left this place. Besides, the park was a total wreck. Youngsters vandalized the place. But there is one swing that survives and the kids of the neighbourhood named it Beatrice. I don’t know why, but I find the name to be lovely. I went to the swing and take a moment to look what is around me.
     Trees covered the background and the sky is clear. In the sky is a bird and it’s searching for food. Not far from me is a grub. As fast as I could spot it, so could the bird. It swoops down and grabs the grub by its beak. And then it flew up in the sky but not as high as it was before. The bird land on a tree and on that tree was a nest. Sure enough there were nestlings. The bird feeds the first hungry nestling and went to search for more. And I decide to help. I walk around the park with a stick and digging through the trees and group. I found a worm in the Earth’s soil and it didn’t freak me out picking one up. What’s to be afraid off? We’re bigger than the worm; I bet the worm is squirting out invisible urine with fright squealing “help me!”
     I walk up to the tree and step on the rock to reach the nestling. I place the worm in the nest and the little nestling was fighting over the one single worm. And it makes me sad to look at them. They were hungry and the mother bird is searching all over the place to feed her children. I search for more grubs and the mother bird did her part too. After I was done and the nestling’s stops chirping with hunger, I thump my exhausted body onto the bench and lay down. The sun has completely risen from the earth to the sky and it’s scorching my face. My eyes were blinded and I cover them with my arm.
     And then I felt like someone pushing my legs forward me and sit beside me.
 “Do you see that bird over there?”

I got up and I saw a boy. He looks like he’s the same age as me. His hair covering his left eye and I couldn’t see the pair as I was sitting on the left side of the bench.

“The mummy bird that you helped with?” he pointed at the nest of birds that I was helping to find grubs and worms earlier.

“Yeah,” I said.

“They’re grosbeaks” he said. “Do you know what they symbolize?” He asks me.

      He was looking forward ahead to the nest. I knew by far that I must not speak to a stranger. But what harm can he do to me when my pain of my parents divorce have hurt me enough already?

“No, no I don’t. Do you?

“They symbolize the healing of the heart,” and I look at him. He turn to me, and alas I see his eyes.

No comments:

Post a Comment