Monday, 14 July 2014

The opposite attraction, daisies and fantasies.

Assalamualaikum, and what's up?

Today, well during English period I was talking with my best friends and we were talking about the apocalypse, sins, and death. Scary stuffs huh? But let's face it what goes up must come down, what was new becomes old and what lives eventually dies.

During the conversation I was thinking hard about life, how life is long. Life on Earth is short but the afterlife is long. And I was thinking about my future with the right guy and the perfect family and the dream job.

I'm honestly scared. I'm scared to live by myself without my parents, settle down with another person I just met half way through my living years, working and getting into the big world - the reality, watching my kids grow older as well I get old too. I'm afraid of the outcome.

Frankly, I don't think I'll be able to find that guy that God paired me up with neither any guy that will fit my luck. Because past experiences, family issues, my problems and issues, my mental and physical health have always been a burden. If you girls look around closely nowadays, it's all fun and games. The rate of adolescence adultery have increased, marriage and relationships are failing and the proper rights have now disappeared. Girls nowadays are what we call sluts and whores, cheap in another way. Boys are jerks and douche bags. It's like we don't have that integrity anymore.

During the olden days, marriage at the age of 16 is normal and their marriage last as long, and their love and devotion is still there even when one breathes for the last time. Nowadays, marriage have ended even after only a few years together because they have lost connection and they can't compromise anymore. It's my opinion, and the thought of that makes me sad.

I want a person that loves me no matter what the circumstances are. I want to achieve my goal and my dream job to be a writer. Have kids that think of me as their best friends and  everything is shared. But, can it happed? Or is it just one of those fantasies that chances to achieve them are below average? I really don't know. Ya Allah...

Living in happiness is a lot of effort. Being sad is easy. I know that I can never really be 100% happy and satisfied with the situations given, but at least there is the happiness and joy and satisfaction behind every hardship.

SPM? Allahuakbar. We'll see. I'm very worried. I just... I really just want it to go smooth for me. I'm sick and tired of crying and being stressed and worried. I just for once want to be truly happy and stress free. I want to wake up in the morning knowing that the day will turn out good.

I want a bright future, and I'm praying for that. Ya Allah. I want to watch my friends succeed too, and I want my parents to love each other again but that won't happen no matter how much I hope and pray. Because, Allah had set everything. And I have to accept.

I want to watch my friends grow old, succeed, get married, how many kids they have, what are their outcome, how far have they gone to.

I want to be at Jayshan's and Afiq's perkahwinan haha and be their children fun and bubbly step-aunt. I want to see Aliah, AIsyah, Ku and everybody lead a happy life. And I want them to see me like that too. I want the world to be war free, unite and push aside our differences. But we are all ignorant. We're only chasing our temporary life in this body suit and forgetting the afterlife, heaven or hell?  

Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un.

  "Surely we belong to Allah and to Him shall we return"

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