Thursday, 16 April 2015

11.50 p.m. and not yet in bed



Assalamualaikum, and hello.

You know, at this time 11.50, I should already have my homework done, my room cleaned, my mind set for tomorrow, my bags done, my clothes prepared, but no - I'm blogging.
I really don't know why lately I've been blogging so much, maybe it's because I haven't been writing stories lately. I do miss it, but I don't want to be too caught up on my next chapter. Little casual posts won't hurt right? Right? :/

It's okay, I'm just gonna do all my homework late and go to bed late.

So, there's been so many things that has been running through my sleepy mind.
Like first of all, baju kelas and baju pengawas, then there's sukaneka pengawas, and then there's anugerah cemerlang, and then SPM.

You know how I've always said I wanted to go to UM and take literacy or journalism? I'm kinda torn in between either taking that or education. I really like Additional Maths and I really don't mind being a teacher. The first thing I wanted to be when I grow up was to be a teacher. But then I'm takut I'll menyesal. But my tuition teacher told me I shouldn't waste my talents in English and should further in English Education or Bachelor of Arts English. I really don't know, I've always loved Maths, Add Maths and English. We'll see, only God knows what He have in stored for me.

Okay, so I've befriended with this person and we've been close since the first time we talked this year. We both have things in common, and problems faced. And the thing that goes in my mind, is life. Like it gets me thinking, why are people now a days so narrow minded? Or why is people treating us with bs and granted. We were talking about people, and their behavior and such, and we made in conclusion that people are nowadays are so close minded and judgmental.

I know my flows, like I'm a really really really bad story teller. Jayshan laughed saying I'm a bad story teller but I write good stories. It's funny. And I stutter or my pronunciation is bad or that I'm a bad talker mainly in Malay. I do think negatively alot and I do worry alot and I do give little reactions alot.

But sometimes I feel kinda, terpencil? you know?

I'm sitting with a group of three. No one sits in front of me, just one person next to the empty seat. Sometimes, I feel like if they were to sembang they will only make eye contact with each other, like the story is just among them and I'm just sitting next to them just looking at them talk with each other, I feel kinda left out. And at times, when I talk, it feels like I'm always saying the wrong stupidist things, and when I joke it feels like I get a scolding, idk. I still love them though, but most of the times I feel really left out.

The other thing is crushes, you know, liking someone? Now, I feel like it's stupid. Like this whole thing is stupid, because we'll be on our own ways, he'll never know, and I don't care if he does eventually but probably never because I've always you know for 5 years, man I'm such a loser.  Sigh* I hope lah we'll still be friends, casual hang outs or something after SPM. LOL I REALLY DON'T CARE LAH ABOUT LOVE HAHAHA

This post is really random, I guess, just thinking out loud, Ed Sheeran reference, things that pop in my mind a lot lately.

I guess that's it xo


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