Thursday, 14 January 2016

life update

Assalamualaikum and hello.

It's been a while since I just talked, or in this case write on matters that doesn't relate to my story writings or on a topic. I just want to talk.


I knew beforehand after SPM that life would get boring and I was before then already prepared to get ready for college, like at this moment I'm excited to get my results and prep for college. Crazy as it sounds, I can't wait to get back learning and schooling, I've always been that secret lover of school anyways. So life have been boring, not going to plan, tiring, and just dreadful. The only thing I got in plan is my driving license and even that I'm tired with. Like the more I drive that manual car the more I hate myself for doing it. I'm getting this hateful feeling towards manual cars, it's too complicated for me to understand and I loose focus easily. Like I don't care what kind of car it is, a small buruk one like I care, I want an auto to drive in once I pass my JPJ test. And even that, I'm worried if  I even managed pass by the neck line.

I'm not working, I lost the opportunity, my fault anyways, I don't blame anyone, I blame myself. There's been no class hangouts, just a couple of hangouts with my closest friends. I haven't talked to anyone except for Aliah, Aisyah, Jay and Grape, and every now and then when I'm bored I'll talk with someone besides them for a short moment.

I miss my sisters, I miss going to the shops with them. Like I want to belanja them someday when I have money. I want to be successful enough to belanja my whole family. I need to work hard. What else? Yup, I've gotten fatter, well just abit chubbier than before because I haven't been exercising since SPM. I need to start back because my health is worsening. My asthma is getting worse, I can't breathe sometimes and I need to buy a new inhaler to replace my empty one every month, which I feel bad because it's wasting my dad's money for my health that I know I can improve on. I'm going to start a semi vegetarian diet, like maybe only three out of seven days I'll eat meat just that I can have protein to build muscles after weight-lifting.

Wow, I really need to get back exercising because my asthma is getting worse.

I don't have any real activities to do except for sleeping, eating and watching the telly and go to my driving school which at the same time I'm messing up. Worried that I'll waste my dad's money by failing the JPJ test. I don't know, it's worse than SPM.

Thinking about college, I want to work hard to get four flats so that I get scholarship to continue my degree overseas. I know that I won't get straight As for SPM, so I'm going to be that hardworking girl in college. I really want to get my life sorted out before even thinking about getting in a relationship with a man that hasn't think his life out as much as I have. Honestly, I'm scared with Malaysia's economy and I don't think I can provide myself by working here.  So my main goal is to be successful enough not to ask money from my parents anymore and be able to pay off my students loan.

I think too much I guess but I don't want to grow up a failure.

I guess that's it. Kinda of tired not doing anything. Oh well, bye then.

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