Monday, 28 March 2016

27/3

I had a bad gut feeling, like this really uncomfortable feeling like something bad was going to happen. I kept thinking about death the whole two days.

And then I had a text from my Mom that my grandmother passed away. And the gut feeling disappeared. I was right, something bad would happened but I didn't want this to happen. It was the same gut feeling when my cat passed away while I was about to go on a field trip.

She died due to a sudden fall and was rushed to the hospital. I haven't seen her in two years, I couldn't go back to Negeri because all of the setbacks here. SPM and family issues. I hate myself that I couldn't see her recently not like my sisters who had the opportunity to visit her last year in November while I was doing my SPM. I won't be able to touch her hands, or kiss her cheeks or taste her food anymore and I won't be able to make her proud anymore and as the first grandchild she won't ever see me get married. She is my favourite people out of everybody and now I'm devastated. And I don't want to be depressed for months the way I was when I lost my cat. There so many deaths occurring and I'm scared of losing more or the people losing me.

I don't want to explain anymore or anything. I'm too sad.

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