Thursday, 17 March 2016

Anger




Sometimes, when I'm mad, I stop myself for a moment to breathe, calming my insides from exploding because I know, if I do, blow up kaboom, things will turn out worse than it already was. But that's sometimes. Because most of the time, when I'm mad, and I no longer have the control to calm myself, I do explode, blow up kaboom, and things turn out worse that it already was.

I don't know where I have this anger nature in me from, my mum? my dad? Idk. It seems most of my sisters have this trait and yes it scares me so yes I'm trying to control myself from being the devil among the monsters. For those who know me well knows what gets me tick off,

A messy place, using my belongings, things not going to plan, wasting my time, talking rudely, blah blah blah the list goes on.

Being angry is not healthy, I know, you know that why am I telling you that? You see, in a situation where you're talking with someone, and all of the sudden that person raises their voice and it does make you feel angry by just the tone of their voice, so you "fight back" by raising your voice and eventually it leads to one of the pettiest fights you ever had. This happens alot, in my situation, we are fighting, but the other person raises their voice because he/she is angry while I continue to keep my mellow tone because I don't want to get into a bigger fight that it already was.

"Why do you have to get angry, talk so loudly when I'm just talking quietly and calm?" I say that all the time to other person because that person's voice irritates me more and more as they get angry. Loud, obnoxious, and the defensive look they give. Wouldn't this fight ended like five minutes ago if you weren't to be all so uptight? Why can't we just move on and say sorry? Is there a need to call each other nasty names just because you're angry?

No, at the moment I am not into a fight. I just want to talk about this topic.

I am a person with anger issues, I get mad and upset easily, but it's mainly on things that I feel not right about.

When I'm angry, I keep quiet, because I'm blooming hot inside filled with rage. Being angry just adds up to more stress and you creating more problems.

When I was a kid around the age of eight, there was this boy, a classmate named Jourdan, and everything that he does makes me angry. Like he did legit nothing wrong, but just something about him makes me angry. I would raise my voice, scowl at him, treat him like shit, get pissed when he breathed (he breathed loudly) man I was a bitch to him. And one day, out of the blue, I knew I was a monster, I decided just be nice to him Amira, so I did. I talked nicely, stop glaring and scowling, stop being fussy at him and the reaction on his face was priceless. He liked me more when I was nicer, duh, and the more I was nicer to him and to anybody, I was more approachable to be friends with. But I had to move back to Malaysia in a few days but heck I learnt a lesson, don't be a mean bitch, but a nice bitch is okay.

You see, whatever it is that makes you angry, think again. Is it worth it?

Because all I knew, if I was nicer to Jourdan since the beginning we could be best of friends.

 Just stop yourself, breathe and let it go.

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