Thursday, 3 March 2016

It's finally over

Assalamualaikum and hello,

PMR    ☑
SPM    ☑
Diploma/Matriculation/Politeknik   ☐
Degree   ☐
PhD?     ☐           
So yaass, my juvenile years are over.

Last night I was restless, I didn't sleep because I got cold feet, sweaty palms, the urge to vomit, and my constant thoughts on SPM. I cried like any person would do when the results were coming out the next day. I kept feeling sinned to God, and I felt like because of this my results will appear the way I sinned. I stayed up, continuously played Tapped Out, sang to get my nerves out of my system.

I mean I was tired, almost going crazy because I was alive for 19 hours no sleep. I went to school, wanting to be happy, be friendly, be smiley, hugged the juniors, hugged my friends, salam my teachers.
I sat at the front, I could feel people shaky and I tried my best to make them relax. When my name was called, I felt the thrill, I felt like I legit accomplished something.

UPSR I did it for my parents, PMR I did it for my parents, SPM I did it for myself. After struggling in form four, after the depression, after days of worrying about my future, the results I got was much more than the entire galaxy to me because I feel genuinely happy that I did something for me, no one else. For once, I felt like I was a somebody even though the results tak lah gempak macam child genius.

When I have kids, I want them to do what for themselves, not to feel the pressure of achieving by the teachers parents friends expectation, but to do what they feel deeply right for themselves.

I got


I'm greatly bersyukur to Allah, everything He has done for me, given me, ease my pain, till this moment, Alhamdulillah.      

I also want to congratulate my best friends, Aliah and Aisyah for getting great results, Jayshan and Afiq for their results too. I'm really proud of you. I also want to congratulate all my friends and classmates, you guys did your best and results pays. I love you guys so much.

I want to thank my family for supporting me, loving me, not pressuring me to make me feel scared, accepting all the decisions I made.

I want to thank my teachers, all of them since tadika to highschool, for shaping me to whom I am today, for teaching me what you were taught and for having faith in me. And for that, I want to be like you and I will inshaAllah. I'm going to further my studies to become a teacher so that I can give back to the community the way you did. Because, being a teacher was my first ambition at the age of 5 and surely inshaAllah I will do my best.

I know that the real challenge starts afterwards, and I'm scared of what's coming. But experience shapes us, to be braver and to be someone you were meant to be.

It's a long journey to go, SPM is just the beginning, the world is tough but I'm ready.

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