Friday, 18 March 2016


my aunt passed away this morning at around 8. She was just 59 years old, still young, but she was very sick, ill, had many health complications. The worst of it all, she is the youngest of her brothers and sisters, my grandmother is the eldest and she isn't buried first.

I didn't know how to feel today. I was sad, yes, but I wasn't grieving. Witnessing people mourn over their loss made me realize she gave an impact to their lives while she was still alive and healthy. She has, to me, I adored her. And then I was thinking about all the other people that used to lived and died at a young age, realizing that their hearts are no longer beating somewhere, their feet are no walking on ground, they are no longer with us physically.

Seeing her, there was no longer a soul in that body. It's not everyday you witness a lifeless body in front of you, especially when you knew, touched, kissed that person. I've been from the beginning. From where she was healthy, when she started falling sick, back to health, almost losing a leg, recovering, then her kidney is failing her, and her blood pressure going high, falling into a coma, on life support, and till her deathbed. I probably wasn't there every moment, but I was part of it.

When the ceremony was over, she was safely buried at the cemetery, I watched my sisters. They were sleeping on the sofa as they were beat out. And it made me sad, looking at them, imagining at the moment they were no longer breathing, and I couldn't bare the thought of burying them let alone kiss them for the final time. Despite all the fights and bickering, I love them. And what's worse, I don't want to be burying my parents either nor them burying me.

Yes, I sound foolish. I want to cherish them forever. But as the Quran stated, "From the earth We created you, and into it We will return you, and from it We will extract you another time" death is a must. And the only thing I can do is pray for a longer life, for my myself and the ones I love. And every moment, I shall cherish like it's my last. And I don't want to find excuses for everything and search for another time because that probably be no other time. I want to live through it all, ups and downs, hardships then ease, tears and happiness, fall in love, go on adventures, giving my all to God, be the person that I am meant to be.

I need to change, for the better.

p.s. ignore grammar and spelling error. It was a long day. 

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