Monday, 2 May 2016

I Know You - Chapter 8


“Surprised?” Bear smiled down at me as he walked out, closing the door behind him.
“Uhm, uh why are you here?” I asked frowning, adjusting his bag then pushing my glasses up.
“No reasons actually, just my parents talking with yours in there,” he pointed a thumb behind him. Then he pointed back at me, “you look good” he said.
“Huh?” I tilted my head.
“My bag looks good on you, you should keep it” he said as he adjust the straps to make it comfortable for me to wear. I shook my head and removed the bag from my shoulders, putting it down next to me. There we are, standing at my doorsteps while his parents were talking with mine.
“What's going on in there?”
“I don't know, something about school I guess” he shrugged his shoulders.

“Jeremy?” I heard a female voice called from in, then the door opened. There was a lady, with a light golden blond hair, eyes similar to his; peeking out from the door. We turned around and looked at her, her face became surprised and then she walked out. “Gosh, you must be Bianca” she hold onto my hands, her cold hands shaking onto mine. “Hi Mrs Brockman” I smiled politely, then turned to look over at Bear who was just giving a smirk at me.

“His father and I were just talking with your parents about something important that would help Jeremy out,” she placed her hands on Bear's shoulders.
“Oh, I see. What about?” I asked.
“Let's get inside, where it isn't too hot” she said, and she opened the door, giving us room to get through. Inside I see my parents siting at the couch together whilst Bear's father sat at the opposite couch. In front of them was a kettle of hot coffee and some biscuits that we usually kept in a container specifically for guests to eat. All of them looked at us, and for a moment, it felt like I was at some strangers home; not mine. Mom gestured me to sit at the couch next to her, whilst Bear sat besides me near where his parent were sitting. Then Mrs Brockman sat back to her spot next to Mr Brockman. Mrs. Brockman poured some coffee and offered it me, which I shook my head.

“Coffee isn't her cup of tea” Bear said to his step mother while looking at me; smiling.
“Oh, I'm sorry I didn't know” she said, placing the cup down on the tray. I shook my head, apologizing and saying it was fine. Dad went up to the fridge and handed me juice and one to Bear.
“She always loved her juice since she was a kid; coffee is too bitter, tea is too earthy, water is too plain” my Dad joked as he sat back down. “Is that so?” Bear raised an eyebrow at me and I just shrugged.

I cleared my throat, “So what's going on here?” I asked.
“Well,” Mr Brockman started to speak up. I placed my focus on him. He looked almost like Bear, except older and much more mature.
“We know from the school board that you are one of the top students, and since you live right next to us, we'd like you to private tutor Jeremy for the meanwhile, if that wouldn't be a burden for you” he clutched his hands together.
“What?” I frowned, almost chocking drinking the juice.
“It's just for the meanwhile, Jeremy said that he's still wanting to go to school,” the step mother spoke up. “Oh I see,” I looked at Bear whom shrugged his shoulders, pretending that he went to school this morning or that he was always into education. By far I was concerned, he skipped school more than the amount of public holidays were given to us. “And, Jeremy was also been suggesting you to help tutor him” Mrs Brockman continued. “Oh really?” I said, Bear raised his shoulders and made a surprised look on his face.
“If that is what he wants for the time, then that is it. So, are you on board? Don't worry we'll pay you for the tutoring” Mr Brockman said. All eyes were on me then Mom spoke up, “Come on Bee, you could at least contribute what you know best at doing which is obviously studying” then the stares got intense and I said, “sure, why not”.

All of the sudden, I was scared. I was scared of Bear. I lost all confidence and my heart started racing.
“Excuse me, but I need to go upstairs. I'm sorry” I stood up with the bag, placing my juice on the table. “It was a pleasure to meet you, Mr and Mrs Brockman.” I looked down at Bear who was confused, I shook my head and then walked away from the living room, up to the staircase. As I walked up, my chest started to squeeze in, it felt tight and ached. Then my breathing became rapid, and I then started wheezing. I coughed as I open the door to my room. I rushed in, going through the drawers searching everywhere for a box. I looked underneath my bed and I coughed more. My breaths became shorter, and my windpipe started to feel as if it closed up. Where is the damn box? It's somewhere in here, I know that. Then there was a knock on my door and came in Bear, looking worried.

Hey, Bianca... are you okay?” he asked as he walked towards me. I shook my head whilst still looking for a specific box. “Is there something you're trying to find?” he asked as he stood next to me, examining my movement. “Find a box, blue box” I gasped. “Oh okay,” Bear became flustered. He started to walk the opposite end of my room, going through my stuff trying to find what was to be a blue box. I couldn't handle it anymore, I was suffocating. I laid down on my bed, feeling exhausted, took off my glasses and started coughing vigorously.

I found it, I found it” Bear rushed from the clothes wardrobe to me, going on my bed and then opening up the box. In there was a single inhaler and gestured for him to handed it to me. I took and uncapped the inhaler, then shaking it to hear whether there was any gas left. I placed the mouthpiece into my mouth and started to press the top of the inhaler.

One puff...I was calming down. Two puffs...I could breathe again. I let go of the inhaler and tried to breathe properly. No joke it felt as if I gave birth to big baby. “Are you okay?” Bear leaned forward, pushing my hair away from my face. I pushed his hands away and got up. I sat at the end of my bed, pulled off the hair band letting go of my hair and placing both hands on my forehead. I sighed.
I haven't had an asthma attack for years now,” I said quietly, at the verge of feeling upset.
Well,” Bear said as he moved to the end of the bed, sitting next to me. “I'm glad I was here to assist you,” he said. I looked up at him and he smiled. I got up and Bear looked at me as I retrieved his bag that was at the door. I sat down, took my glasses and wore it back on. Then I looked at Bear, sighing.

Really? You 'still want to go to school'?” I tilted my head questioning his intentions.
Actually, I hate school. I don't care about it. Besides, I know I won't even finish high school” he intertwined his fingers and placed then behind his head, then laying down. He sure looked comfortable on my bed, no surprised he'd done this before.
I don't care if I flunk. I'm not going to college anyways” he continued saying.
And how is it you're sure?” I questioned.
Oh, I know for sure. And that's the great thing about knowing already what your future awaits.” He exhaled a deep sigh.

I unzipped the front pouch of his bag, pulling out the transparent bag filled with white pills. “And this is your future?” I lifted up the bag, showing it to him. Bear looked up at the bag and then instantly got up. His facial look changed, as if he had a whole bunch of excuses to tell me.

Bianca... that's” Bear tried to retrieve the bag and I pulled away.
Was this it? You want to become an addict? Throw your life away just like that?!” I raised my voice. I got up. “No, Bianca... I swear I'm not an addict... I uh”

Liar!” I raised my voice a tone higher. “So you've been using this to stay up? How long have you been using this huh?” I shook the bag. “Just, uh ju- just a while now. Please Bianca, gi- give the bag back to me” he leaned in closer trying to get the bag from my grasp.

No,” I pulled away. Then I went up to Bear, placing my hand into his pockets then I founded what I wanted.
Whoa, Bianca, wait, wait” Bear's eyes widen. I pressed down the lighter and an orange flame sparked out. I placed it near to the bag, threatening to light it up. “Okay, Okay!” Bear raised his voice.
I'm an addict. Okay, I'll stop I promise. After we're done with the list. I promise I'll stop then” he sighed as he place a hand on his temples. I let go of the lighter. “Quit now,” I said sternly.

I can't Bianca, don't you get it? I can't. I need them to survive” Bear started pacing around the room. I sighed out of frustration. “Here” I threw the bag at him, hitting his chest.
“Go rot yourself in hell” I said, sitting back on my bed, head down.
Why was it out of all the things, this was it? I knew I shouldn't let myself be wasted to a boy. Violating everything I stood by;
not risking a bright future for some boy, more likely wasting my time for someone I barely know much about. Then I started tearing up, I was tired. I was tired of crying today. What was it with me? Aaron, Bear, Aaron, Bear, both two completely different personalities hurting me differently. Earlier, when I wanted to see Bear's face made me regret my needs.

Bear slowly walked up to me, sat down. “Where's the necklace?” he asked softly. “In the bathroom cupboard” I said, looking away. Bear went out from my room, and I could hear him go into the bathroom, opening up the medicine cupboard. Then he walked back into my room, closing the door behind him. He sat next to me, gently lifting my head up, pushing my head back. He looked at my face, his eyes were no longer happy, but filled with sorrow. And so were mine. My cheeks were wet with tears, my nose was red, my eyes puffy. Bear pulled his sleeves, took off my glasses and wiped my tears. “There,” he said softly as he placed my glasses back on. He hesitated at first but decided to place the necklace over my head, pulling my hair back.

He then took a step back, gazing at me. I was numb, I didn't know what to feel of this.

You looked beautiful then when I placed this on for you, you still look beautiful now” he said, trying to take a breath. “It's for you,” he said softly. Then he chuckled, “I stole this for you,” he said

I looked away, “Get out” I said.

Huh what?”
Are you deaf? I said get out” I said turning around, scowling at him.
Look Bianca, is this about the pills? I promise, I'll stop sooner after we are done with the list”
We? Are you kidding me? I don't want to be part of your bullshit Bear” I said. I pulled the necklace, the chain broke and I threw it across the floor.
Get out,” I stood up.
Bianca, listen let's talk this out, we can just -”
Get out!” I screamed.

I'm not going to loose you over something stupid” he said.
Loose me?” I snorted, “when have I been yours?”
This whole thing, the addiction, it doesn't matter” Bear exclaimed.

It does matter, and you know it!" I sighed. "I want to be able to look at you and know that you're okay. I want to be able to look at you and not feel so hurt”
And I am okay, I swear” Bear sighed, coming close.
And I want to be able to look at you in those eyes and know that you're not lying. You're not okay”
Bianca, please...”

I don't know you, and you don't know me” I exclaimed.
Bianca, listen...”

Get out Bear, gosh get out! Don't come near to me,” I turned away. “Bianca” Bear came toward me, pulled me closer trying to hug me.

You're the best thing that ever existed in my life. Please, let's talk this out Bianca”

I turned around, slapped him across his face. Bear froze, he looked down, shaking his head,
I uh,” he stuttered, a crackling in his voice.
He looked up, his left cheek red, and a tear dropped,
“I'm so sorry” he said.

Get out, I don't want to be part of that list, or your messed up life” I closed my eyes, my heart started racing fast like a horse during it's race. My chest started to heat up and my face flushed. My eyes became watery and my lips quiver.
Get out, please” a tear rolled down my cheek that Bear had wiped. He was in a state that I never saw before. He wasn't laughing, he wasn't the brave daredevil, he was what was to be me; weak.

Bear wiped his tears instead of mine and nodded, shaking his head at the same time. Biting his lips, he walked out, closing the door behind shut.

I legs became weak, I collapsed to the floor. My heart rate started rising, my windpipe closing again, my breath became shorter. I reached for my inhaler, placed my mouth onto the mouthpiece and pressed down the inhaler.

One puff... I was calming down. Two puffs... I was crying again.

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